So. Friday morning, my last day of school before the summer holidays, I boarded the Number 2 bus for the last time to get to work. It was about 7:33am when the bus arrived - for a journey which usually takes about 10 minutes in the morning. We arrived at Brixton station at 7:50am. So somehow we added a fair whack of extra time to our journey. 17 minutes. How? You may ask... Well...
The stop after the one I got on at, the driver let about 10 people onto- despite the bus being rather full. Imagine a crowded lift, where people are jammed shoulder to shoulder, except the short people (like me) who are pretty well buried in strangers armpits- and then imagine more people pushing their way in. The driver then refused to move the bus, to the point where the engine was switched off, until people would "Move down the bus!!!".
Where to? I looked around... Into the bosom of a "woman" who I am certain was a man... the huge hands and hairy knuckles seemed to be a dead give away. There was nowhere to go- people were getting angry, shouting how they had paid for this journey, shift the effing bus, what kind of a driver are you?... You get the idea. I was just standing there thinking how happy I was that I won't have to do this anymore after today. People started to move down, being the bus officially didn't seem to be going anywhere. I ended up pressed up against the "woman" I mentioned previously... Now certain it was a lady-man.
I don't like small spaces. I don't like other people breathing my air - or me having to breathe theirs... I do not like having my body pressed up against strangers.... but there I was, face pretty much buried in the lady-mans chest. Finally the bus moved. Sighs of relief all round.
Next stop. Rear doors open, a few people get off and I'm relieved of my duties of lady-man bosom sniffer. Doors about to close. Girl barges her way on with two travel sized suitcases on wheels- cracking me in the shin with one of them. Bus driver starts shouting. Fellow passengers getting distressed. Driver shouts "Get off the bus you can't get on in the rear and you haven't bloody well paid!"
Girl shouts back "Please! I'll pay at Brixton! I have to go to work and I have all this luggage's (hmmm... Luggage perhaps?) so I can't walk!! Please!!!"
Silence.
Grumbles from fellow passengers.
Driver shouts again; "GET. OFF. THE. BUS. NOW!!"
"Please, please driver let me ride - you're making everybody late!!" Engine cuts out. Again.
Other passengers now visibly distressed. Me? Laughing on the inside and smiling to myself thinking how I will not miss London public transport dramas when I go!
Fellow passenger, old man, calmly said to the girl;
"Hey - we have all paid for our journey. By you refusing to get off, we are delayed -which is unfair. Please hop off..." Nice.
Girl start shouting in Spanish at the driver as she stepped off the bus and let her "luggage's" fall to the curb after her, getting a camera out of her handbag and running to the front of the bus, photographing the driver. I'm sure I heard some foreign swearing... Engine starts again.
On the way to the next stop- an African man said really loudly "You're not a driver. You have no compassion. You are a wicked man. Wicked." He actualy sounded a lot like Rafiki from The Lion King. Read it again, in Rafiki's accent.
Driver cuts the engine. Again. But started again rather promptly... driver perhaps thought better of pissing off a bus that was clearly overcrowded.
Fellow passengers begin making vocal sounds of distaste and some of great anger...tutting,
huffing and puffing. I still smile.
Driver tells the man if he doesn't like it he can get off. Passengers start panicking that the engine is going to be cut once again... But thankfully the driver continues on to Brixton station- where people are pleased to alight!!!
What a fantastic final journey to work before the holidays. Love it!
Go on... have a LOL!
Cheery bye :)
The stop after the one I got on at, the driver let about 10 people onto- despite the bus being rather full. Imagine a crowded lift, where people are jammed shoulder to shoulder, except the short people (like me) who are pretty well buried in strangers armpits- and then imagine more people pushing their way in. The driver then refused to move the bus, to the point where the engine was switched off, until people would "Move down the bus!!!".
Where to? I looked around... Into the bosom of a "woman" who I am certain was a man... the huge hands and hairy knuckles seemed to be a dead give away. There was nowhere to go- people were getting angry, shouting how they had paid for this journey, shift the effing bus, what kind of a driver are you?... You get the idea. I was just standing there thinking how happy I was that I won't have to do this anymore after today. People started to move down, being the bus officially didn't seem to be going anywhere. I ended up pressed up against the "woman" I mentioned previously... Now certain it was a lady-man.
I don't like small spaces. I don't like other people breathing my air - or me having to breathe theirs... I do not like having my body pressed up against strangers.... but there I was, face pretty much buried in the lady-mans chest. Finally the bus moved. Sighs of relief all round.
Next stop. Rear doors open, a few people get off and I'm relieved of my duties of lady-man bosom sniffer. Doors about to close. Girl barges her way on with two travel sized suitcases on wheels- cracking me in the shin with one of them. Bus driver starts shouting. Fellow passengers getting distressed. Driver shouts "Get off the bus you can't get on in the rear and you haven't bloody well paid!"
Girl shouts back "Please! I'll pay at Brixton! I have to go to work and I have all this luggage's (hmmm... Luggage perhaps?) so I can't walk!! Please!!!"
Silence.
Grumbles from fellow passengers.
Driver shouts again; "GET. OFF. THE. BUS. NOW!!"
"Please, please driver let me ride - you're making everybody late!!" Engine cuts out. Again.
Other passengers now visibly distressed. Me? Laughing on the inside and smiling to myself thinking how I will not miss London public transport dramas when I go!
Fellow passenger, old man, calmly said to the girl;
"Hey - we have all paid for our journey. By you refusing to get off, we are delayed -which is unfair. Please hop off..." Nice.
Girl start shouting in Spanish at the driver as she stepped off the bus and let her "luggage's" fall to the curb after her, getting a camera out of her handbag and running to the front of the bus, photographing the driver. I'm sure I heard some foreign swearing... Engine starts again.
On the way to the next stop- an African man said really loudly "You're not a driver. You have no compassion. You are a wicked man. Wicked." He actualy sounded a lot like Rafiki from The Lion King. Read it again, in Rafiki's accent.
Driver cuts the engine. Again. But started again rather promptly... driver perhaps thought better of pissing off a bus that was clearly overcrowded.
Fellow passengers begin making vocal sounds of distaste and some of great anger...tutting,
huffing and puffing. I still smile.
Driver tells the man if he doesn't like it he can get off. Passengers start panicking that the engine is going to be cut once again... But thankfully the driver continues on to Brixton station- where people are pleased to alight!!!
What a fantastic final journey to work before the holidays. Love it!
Go on... have a LOL!
Cheery bye :)
Ama zing! That was so much fun to read but those poor passengers and you included!
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